To Each His Own

Each day it becomes more clear to me that I am no good at being a full time athlete. I need and crave balance in my life and I have been lacking this since I became unemployed. I miss the days of getting up with the sun to do a workout before hurrying into a nice skirt, doing my hair and putting make-up on, eating on the go, endless meetings, court hearings, and driving all around to schools and homes to see clients. I think I have fixed my hair only a handful of times and maybe put makeup on twice in the last two months. I miss my bubbling coworkers and the view of the courtyard garden from my office window. I even sometimes miss those challenging days when clients were angry and said 'not so nice' things to me.

It is in my nature to give to others and help people work through their issues in order to achieve their goals. I have had many people tell me that this is a great chance for me to focus solely on Xterra or maybe even move into a different career. Truth is, I don't want to be just a professional triathlete and I really don't want to switch careers, I am passionate about what I do both as social worker and an athlete. I know that leaving the agency I was with was necessary for my professional growth and my mental well-being...things were going downhill in a hurry. Now the hard part...I have to have patience and wait until a new opportunity comes my way. It baffles me how I can be so calm and patient with clients but I struggle to be patient with myself. I am confident that something good will come out of all this but somedays the unknown simply drains me. I know many people (especially in the "Boulder Bubble") find it crazy that I actually want to work a stressful full-time job and don't understand how someone could be unhappy not working. Well, as my mother always said, "to each his own".