Summer Race Ramblings

There is a chill in the morning air now which only means one thing...Summer is almost over. I really think about updating this blog quite a bit but this full-time mothering, part-time working while attempting to race as a pro thing wears me down before I ever have time/energy to write anything. If I were to write about each race I’ve done this Summer you all would be bored out of your mind. So, since I call myself an Xterra athlete I will do a quick and dirty recap of my Xterra season so far, mostly in pictures with some funny tidbits thrown in so you can laugh at me.

Xterra Lory, 2^nd place

Oops: put the sun shade up in the car before starting to pump, otherwise the person parked in front of you gets to see you do the job

Takeaway: Despite this being my 1^st Xterra since having Natalie I did not forget the order of events. Having a baby messes with your body. Be diligent in doing post baby rehab exercises so you don’t hobble through the run with hip/hamstring pain.

Xterra Beaver Creek, 7^th place among one of the most stacked fields I can recall at this race

Oops: Getting sick 2 days before one of your biggest races sucks! When your head feels like it is detached from your body it might not be a good idea to race. You will be forced to take a week of doing nothing after attempting to race in such a state.

Takeaway: I’m in much better shape than I thought.  Short quality workouts, even those cut shorter by a “cat napping” or “no napping” baby are paying off. I was in sight of 4^th place coming off the bike but just couldn’t get my body to push through until the end.

Helping mama get her bike ready

Xterra Snow Mountain Ranch, 1^st place

Oops: When you are in the mountains racing and plan to ride your bike back to your cabin do pack a rain jacket. Hail hurts and shivering the whole ride back to your rustic cabin with no running water for a warm shower sucks.
Takeaway: Someone told me that “getting to the start line as a mom is winning”, which is so true. The only thing better than getting to the start line is seeing your little girl out there with her daddy smiling and waving at you as you run by. This picture captured this joyful moment (poor picture but you can see one happy mama there).

Every little girl needs to know about proper safety gear when using a chainsaw

Our dirt loving girl

Xterra Buffalo Creek, 2nd

Oops: Only doing 2 rides on the Creek Path with the Chariot the week before a race will leave you flat and pedaling in squares. When setting up your bike, make sure your gloves are on the proper handlebar or you will try to jam your hand into it and not realize right away what is wrong. Also, make sure your shoes are laid out properly. It is hard to try to put your right foot into your left shoe. I blame “mommy brain” for missing these details since this has never happened to me before.

Takeaway: After minimal running since May due to an ongoing hamstring issue my running is coming back and the slight increase in mileage is paying off as I had one of the fastest run splits of the day.

Next up, Xterra Nationals at Snowbasin, Utah.  All our local Xterra races have been fast and furious this year! People should be fearful of the Colorado pro ladies including Maia Ignatz, Kim Baugh, Jamie Brede and Shonny V (even though we haven’t seen her at local races she still counts)…we are a strong, fun bunch coming to make a statement (or at least make you laugh while we suffer together).

Retire? Resume? Redefine?

Before I was a mom I was a social worker and a pretty good athlete on the side. Now, I'm not sure what I am besides a grateful, loving mom to my sweet little girl. I knew pre-baby that I wanted to return to racing, but for the last 7.5 months I've gone back and forth about the athlete in me.  Before becoming pregnant I had some good sponsors that I loved representing. Sadly, Avia went out of business so no more running sponsor. My bike sponsor was a company that I was loyal to for 5 years and we had a good relationship. However, while pregnant the contact person changed 2 times and it wasn't until February after many emails and phone calls that I was finally told that since I didn't have any results last year our partnership would be put on hold. Seriously, I was pregnant! Maybe I didn't devote enough time to maintaining that relationship while I took a step back from racing but I was embarking on the biggest change of my life and athletics was not my focus. It is ridiculous, but losing this relationship made me question whether I have it in me to balance all the demands of motherhood with racing at an Elite level. Is it selfish to continue to race? Afterall, we now have a college fund that needs money every month and many other expenses that come with a 2ft tall person. Or does training and racing make me a better wife, mom and person? I'm sure my husband would say yes to this one. Maybe I should just train for the sake of enjoying the outdoors and the activities I love and never toe the line again? Who am I kidding, this wouldn't make me happy! I love pushing myself and managing the physical and mental aspects of racing. I also love the community of people that I have come to know through racing.

After much deliberation I've decided that I won't retire. However, I can't resume the exact pre-baby training and racing but I can redefine my relationship with sport. I want to continue to push my body and mind, I want to show my daughter that women are strong, I want my daughter to understand the value of hard work, I want my daughter to have a love for nature. All these things are inherent in Xterra and I look forward to a year of perfecting the balance of mom-athlete. For me, sleep deprivation, short workouts, penny pinching, and crazy planning are all made more palatable by having some "me" time and continuing to incorporate being active into our family life.

A huge thank you to the sponsors that continued to support me through my step back to enter motherhood: NoTubes, Infinit and Honey Stinger. I hope to make you proud this year! I also hope that I can inspire other new moms to stay active and realize that "your" life doesn't end when you have a family, it just changes...and actually just gets more awesome! No matter what happens, at the end of the day this will always be waiting for me:

Baby Blues

I felt it coming on at the beginning of December and feared what was happening to me. I know I'm not the only mother who has felt this way. In fact, I'm angry that more mothers don't talk about it and our society likes to ignore its existence or even worse portray those who struggle with it as being sick. The "it" I'm talking about is postpartum depression and it is real people! I never imagined that I would be unhappy after such a joyous event. Do I feel guilty for feeling this way? You bet. We planned for Natalie, yet I have days that I ask myself "what the hell have I gotten myself into?". There are days when I want to walk away from my role as mother. There are days that I feel anxious, tearful, unmotivated and angry. There are also good days, even really great "perfect" days in there too. I left my full-time job to stay at home and have had to redefine my days completely. I was hit really hard by this change when I had to clean out my desk and have a going away party. And while I am still working part-time in my private practice it is still the biggest change ever in my life. After my own journey the last 4 months I have a deep respect and interest in postpartum depression and the struggles that are ignored by many mothers and our society. I'm thinking of expanding my private practice to support women in this magical and challenging change. Postpartum depression can affect women for up to a year after childbirth. And while there is a wide spectrum of how severe the issue can be ranging from "baby blues" to full blown depression in need of medical treatment, I believe that all mothers have been touched by the crazy postpartum roller coaster in some way. Hopefully, society can place a little more emphasis on this issue instead of painting an unrealistic image of mom and baby as always smiling, showered and not wearing sweats.

So, how have I managed to keep going as I create my new path in life:
1. Talking to good friends and the loving support of my husband. Never underestimate how much simply venting to a friend can improve how you feel.
2. Exercise. Yes, it sucks to get up at 5:30am to squeeze this in but I find that I'm more recharged from a quick workout than a little extra sleep. Or, try to sneak in some exercise while baby is napping (if you are lucky enough to have some home exercise equipment and a baby that naps well). Better yet, get outside with your baby and go for a jog or walk in the sunshine. A little sun will do you both some good.
3. WishGarden Herbs Baby Blues tincture. Maybe this is just a placebo but I swear that it has helped me feel more at peace on some rough days. I'm thankful my neighbor and mother of 3 gave me some of this to try!
4. Get out and meet other new moms. I have been pretty bad about this but have recently been trying to find more groups and support in my community. I felt so isolated and alone for awhile and only when I really started talking to other moms did I realize that I am not alone in my struggles.

I love my daughter more than I ever imagined I would and her smiles and laughs are now making the journey a little easier. I'm not naive and know that the challenge of being a parent has just begun. However, I'm excited for the road ahead as I watch my little family create "our life"!